Thursday, July 25, 2013

The Humility of Honesty - Overcoming the Inner Critic

The beautiful Sunken Garden at Butchart Gardens shot with a tilt shift effect reveals a beautiful and delicate model world.
A Small Wonder - Grooming a happy mind and body
takes a lot of small moves incessantly over a lifetime.
Yesterday I was debilitated by a major stomach flu. I had cold sweats, body aches, nausea, cramps, and other icky bodily things. All my body wanted to do was rest. I had the common sense to stay home from work.  But...

I found a part of myself quietly nagging:

  • You could be at that learning class this morning.
  • You could make it to that finance meeting.
  • You could be selling your unneeded things on eBay.
  • You could be making more memes for your blog.

This is a very deep voice implanted a very long time ago.

Talking this over with Sharon, she noted that it is OK to take care of yourself. She stated, just because you are home does not mean you are doing nothing. Indeed, I have been learning recently that effective self care is not inconsequential and requires significant dedication. In order to be successful this dedication must happen not only in the moment, but consistently over all times and all locations.

That voice in my head was making an assumption that self care requires no real energy, dedication, resources, or time.  It assumed that self care is something one does only as a last resort, when nothing else needs to be accomplished.  These assumptions are not true and fall with only a moment's scrutiny.  The voice is a part of my mecosystem now and forever, so trying ignore it, to prove it wrong, or to lock it up is disrespectful and destructive to the self.

Instead I listen calmly and with curiosity.  Like anyone with whom I have a conflict, I listen and ask questions to find out what goals we each have, and against what values we are measuring.  In the end, I have found that even the most annoying nagging voice, has the best of intentions at heart.  It just does not know any other way to communicate.

I have told Sharon many times, that my current primary goal in life is to be my greatest hero.  Here I have found one more way I can step up and demonstrate to my parts, the honesty, curiosity, patience, and humility I hope they can learn to show going forward.

What do you think?  How do you handle that nagging voice?  Where do you think it came from?  From what do you think it protects you?

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